Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Becoming More Ladylike
For the past six months or so I've really tried to improve my ladylike qualities. As a young girl I once read Jane Austen novels, listen to classical music and practiced my French all in an effort to recapture something of the romantic past I felt our present world lacked.
After a few years of college I began to investigate Women's Studies and quickly chucked out all those "silly" notions I had held as a child. I belched, I cursed like a sailor, let my looks go, and acted as tough as I could all in an effort to put up a hard barrier between myself and the world. I longed to forever crush that little girl inside yearning for the knight in shining armor and a happily-ever-after world of grace and romance.
Then a friend turned me on to Fascinating Womanhood and finally I found a reason to embrace my inner romantic, my inner lady. The girl who wanted to be a girl - who wanted to dress nice, look nice, speak well, be respected and elegant.
What kind of world do we have now where women fight on Jerry Springer, show their breasts on Girls Gone Wild or simply act rude and disrespectful to those around them? Where are the ladies?
So you may think, sure, I agree with you, I would like to be more ladylike, but I never went to finishing school, I don't have fancy clothes, how can I be more ladylike? It's really quite simple to get started on your way to leading a more elegant life. Here are some things I have learned.
1. A lady is always kind, soft and gentle. She does not openly fight with others. She does not gossip or speak ill of others. She does not judge others, she is not racist, homophobic or snobby. She has a huge heart and responds to everyone dearly.
2. A lady takes a few moments in the morning to make herself bright, clean and fresh. She does not shuffle about the house in raggedy, old clothes all day nor does she neglect her appearance. A lady showers regularly, combs her hair, and wears soft, feminine clothing such as skirts and blouses.
3. A lady does not stomp or lumber about the house. She steps lightly and gracefully when she walks. She stands up straight, keeps her chin up, and her shoulders back. She is graceful and confident.
4. A lady remembers to smile and smile often; when doing this dishes, when driving the car, at home and on the job.
5. A lady does not curse or use vulgar sounding language. She speaks as properly as she is able and does not resort to slang or urban accents. She does not shout (whenever possible).
6. A lady does not act like a b*tch nor does she proclaim herself to be one in a mistaken attempt to gain "empowerment."
7. A lady does not argue or forcefully assert her opinions in general company. She may share them with close friends but even then she sees no need to confront people with them in a negative way. Opinions may be shared, of course, as a matter of polite conversation but always with a smile.
8. A lady eats slowly, chews her food completely and does not speak while her mouth is full.
9. A lady educates herself either formally or informally. She learns about all womanly arts including healthy living, conception, childbearing, nutritious food, sewing, mending, thrifty spending, gentle parenting, spirituality, etc. Many of these things can be researched online or at your local library.
10. A lady dresses as beautifully as she can, yet modestly. She knows her attractive qualities are in her grace not her bare skin. This does not mean expensive clothes! You can buy nice, beautiful things at the thrift shop. She regards fashion and trends but does not overdo it. A good tip on beauty and fashion is to find a respectable public figure whose facial features resemble yours and one whose body type is similar to yours. They have experts telling them how to dress and wear their make up, take some cues from them.
Please share with us your tips for being ladylike!
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I'm still working on #7 :)
ReplyDeleteI realize this is a really old post but google brought me here! ;)
ReplyDeleteI was always the tomboy who was told a million times a day to be more/speak more/act more/sit more ladylike. I hated (and still resent) the very notion that there is some universal set of rules that apply only to women (manners are for everyone!), but at the same time, I'm not some belching farting mess running around in sweatpants.
No, I'm an atheistic feminist who dresses in Victorian style dresses and wears curls and frilly stockings, who sews for a living and is polite to others, has an immaculate vocabulary and good handwriting, and bakes a lot of pretty pastries. I also have a long-term egalitarian relationship with a very sweet (pro-feminist) young man who thinks the world of the real me.
My point being, a woman can be a lady without subscribing to outdated norms about what a woman is supposed to be, and a woman is (or ought to be) free to enjoy whatever modes of femininity make her happy, but it should be out of the desire to express herself genuinely and not out of some fanatical need to impress men or fit into an 19th century "lady" mold.
I love this post. I don't think anything here sounds like it's done to impress men or fit into a 19th century mold. It sounds to me like you're trying to honor the goddess within and teach others to do the same. I love all the points you made and am working on a lot more than just #7!
ReplyDeletethank you for bringing this old post back to my attention Cathy! I hadn't realized how much I've been slipping! I need to get back to work!
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