Imagine you love apple pie (not very hard, huh?) Imagine that it's your favorite thing in the whole world. Now, imagine that you are on a diet and you aren't eating any apple pie. You vow to stay strong, to show control over your cravings.
So, now you've been without apple pie for while, you try simply not to think about it and that works really well. You go about your day - work, school, kids - whatever it is you do. You're feeling happy, you're feeling carefree, you are NOT thinking about apple pie.
Then, all of the sudden, when you get home you find that your neighbors are over for a visit. One of them has baked a hot, yummy, apple pie. Your friend knows you can't have any so they just sit the pie on the table in front of you. You can see it, you can smell it but you may not eat it. Now imagine sitting there, in front of the pie and trying to not even THINK about eating it..
So, I think my point is coming together here.
You get where I am going with this, right?
Our men carry a lot of burdens. They are committed to a life of near constant work to provide for their family, they carry the huge responsibility for providing for that family no matter what may come up with no exceptions and they also are saddled with the drive to procreate at a rate much higher then women are.
But, of course, we have morals. Every society has a rule about what man may have what woman. No man may have simply whatever woman looks appealing and to break that rule is a great crime. That is universal - across all cultures and all creeds of our world.
So a man's body and spirit drive him to create life, but his morals, his faith, and his society demand a high standard of control from him in regards to this drive.
Women learned a long time ago that dressing (or not dressing as the case may be) in an alluring manner entices men, get's their attention, trips them up, and catches them off guard - hence, the battle of modesty.
In the battle of modesty there are essentially two arguments. The first says that we as women are called to be modest in our dress and actions. That it is vulgar and disgraceful to show one's breasts, buttocks or other sexual body parts in public. A woman should not dress in a manner as to entice a man who is not her husband, sexually.
The other argument goes something like this; women should be free to wear what they wish and men should control themselves, period. If a woman has got it, why not flaunt it?
I would like to explain why I think the second argument is flawed.
1. You wouldn't bake an apple pie for a person on a diet.
Just like in our tale in the opening of this piece you probably found it rude that the dieter's neighbor baked them an apple pie when they were on a diet, then sat it before them and made them see it, smell it but expected that they not even think about eating it.
Men have high drives, there is no getting around it and it's natural. Most of them control it just fine but why make it harder on them?
2. Would you dress that way in front of your friend's son?
Everyman in the world is a beloved brother, husband, or son of someone. Men spend so much time protecting us and being the tough ones that we sometimes forget they are weak and vulnerable in some areas of their lives too.
Would you show off your superior intelligence in front of a friends not as quick as you? Would you brag of your cooking skills to a sister who has trouble boiling water? Of course not, we all know this would be rude. So why is it that women don't find it rude to flaunt a man's weakness?
In my opinion it's in bad taste to the point of being cruel to do so.
3. It makes other women feel bad about themselves.
Some women are blessed with large breasts, a firm bottom and long legs - but most of us were not. Most of us struggle with body image, in fact I challenge you to find a woman who doesn't.
A few years ago I lived in a communal farm house on some acreage. One of the women living on the property was very pretty. She had worked as an erotic massage therapist in the past and placed a lot of her pesonal value on her looks.
She was forever sun bathing in the nude, wearing very short skirts, running around in her bra or bikini top and bending over, especially if a man was around. In short, she showed what she had at EVERY opportunity.
When I lived in that house I felt terrible about myself. All I could think of was how I didn't look as good as she did. I felt like maybe I wasn't trying hard enough to be attractive, that maybe if I just dieted more, bought expensive lotions, got my hair done - maybe if I tried very hard I cold look as good as she did.
But of course I was wrong. I was wrong because this woman had at least 5 inches on me and all of that was in her legs. Her weight was easier for her to manage because she didn't have my blood sugar issues or my genetics. I would never look like her and I wasn't suppose to. I was suppose to look like me.
But it's very hard to remember that when another woman is dressed immodestly. All other women around her can't help but to compare themselves. They can't help but to feel bad and uncomfortable. Which brings me to my next point.
4. It makes people uncomfortable.
Have you ever been sitting next to your dad at the mall when a woman in a mini skirt walks by? Remember the rush of embarrassment you both feel? The awkwardness? The clearing of throats and looking away?
That's because their is something internal that tells us that dressing that way is wrong.
Some would argue that it isn't internal, that we are simply taught by our puritan society that procreation is bad and thus body parts are bad. In other societies they are not so modest so why should we hold to these old values?
To that I would say two things. First, all societies have some rules around modesty and body parts are never flaunted just for the sake of being sexual but are revealed instead in the process of natural functions regarding that society (think places with hot weather or lack of materials to make clothing).
Second, even children who are raised with overt shows regarding procreation as being "normal" still feel shame around it. I once watched a documentary about a family who's father was a horrible man. One of the things he did was regularly watch pornography in front of his children. Now, these children were obviously not raised with puritan morals regarding the display of procreation. Yet, these children, when interviewed, expressed how sick this had made them, how much they hated it when their father would do this, how it had damaged them mentally and they had ongoing nightmares.
Why would the children react so negatively when they were raised in an environment where such incredible immodesty was portrayed as normal unless there is an inner moral compass all humans have (given to us by our Creator) which tells us that immodesty is wrong.
*Deep Breath*
Let's allow that to settle for a moment. What I'm saying may not be news to some of you, to others it may be a truly different way of looking at things.
Ready to move on? Great!
So what is modest?
How do we decide what women should wear? Well, that is really up to the individual. I'm a Mormon and our modesty standards are set by the
garments we wear. Some women of different backgrounds choose stricter or loser standards. I think two good rules of thumb are:
What would your grandmother think?
Are you trying to be sexually attractive or arousing?
Some simple tips to becoming more modest.
1. Be sure to wear sleeves.
2. Make sure that skirts and shorts are at least finger tip length.
3. Make sure your clothes are not too tight, can you see the creases of your undergarments?
4. Make sure your undergarments aren't showing, bend over, stretch - check yourself from a few angles.
****A note about breastfeeding****
When discussing modesty I feel it is important to address breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is a healthy, non sexual function that does not elicit an improper response in most men. Discretion is always best but under no means should any woman feel like she needs to remove herself from wherever she is to seek a secluded place nor should she cover herself and her baby in a tent to prevent anything from showing.
Breastfeeding is so rare in our world and so many children suffer mentally, emotionally and physically from not getting proper nutrition from the breast that women who do choose to breastfeed have a sacred duty to promote it's healthy integration into our society by breastfeeding openly and often.
Do you dress modestly? Why or why not?
As always, I love comments!
