We are a culture OBESSED with more, bigger, better faster. So obsessed that we forget how to live and how to blossom. One of the sad aspects of our modern lives is how we thrust our goals, our ambitions on our children before they are ready and thus we quite literally rob them of not only their childhood but also their most crucial, natural, mental development.
We see the commercials about teaching your baby to read and more often we compare our children to those of our neighbors, friends and family. We wonder why our three year old isn't talking at the same level, why our four year old can't spell their name like little Johnny can. We contrast and we judge our children and other children by adult standards of "excellence." Probably more disturbing is that we fear other adults are judging our children and in the case of insensitive friends or family, sometimes they really are.
This can be a special issue for stay at home mothers. Often we allow our children a more natural development. Without preschool attendance they aren't drilled every day into memorizing their ABCs at the age of two. We don't force crayons into their small fingers and make them write their names over and over again. Our children sometimes seem "behind" their preschooling peers but nothing could be further from the truth!
When you see a two year old singing their ABCs, or a three year old writing their name or any other sign of "academic" progress remember this one thing....
That child has not LEARNED anything, they are COPYING something.
We have to get this straight right away. Children under the age of 6 mimic. That's all they can do. They do not have the mental development to strictly "learn" and then apply that learning the way adults or even older children do. They are born with an instinct to copy and whether they are copying their mom, dad, brother, TV or a teacher, before the age of six, they are only COPYING.
I remember the first time I "came out" as having a five year old who didn't know his ABCs. Intellectually speaking I knew he couldn't really learn symbolic language and processes it yet, his mind was too young. I wanted him to actually learn his ABCs thus improving his cognitive skills, not simply copy his ABCs but I fell pray to social norms that would have said my child was "behind" so I down played it.
One day I thought, to heck with this nonsense, my child is developing appropriately and I am going to be proud! I'm proud that I waited to teach my children until they were mentally ready to really learn and absorb a topic rather then teach them to parrot and mimic like a monkey.
By allowing the academics to wait I allowed more important lessons to be taught. Lessons that can only be taught as a child takes his natural place along side his or her mother in her daily activities within the home and family.
What lessons were my children learning between the ages of two and six?
Cooperation Within a Family Unit
They were learning how to get along with siblings both older and younger. How to take care of younger children and babies as well as how to respect their older siblings and take direction from authority.
Kindness
By my side they helped others both within our family and in our community. They learned the value and importance of giving and serving others the way the Savior would. They developed a heart of compassion and kindness for others.
Strength of Character
They learned who they really were in the absence of peer pressure. They were allowed to follow their strengths and develop their weakness in a supportive environment. Free from the burdens of bullies and trends they reached the age of six with confidence and a sense of self love and appropriate pride.
Polite and Confident Interactions With Others
Instead of sitting in a classroom hearing stories about going to the post office, going fishing, celebrating cultural events, etc. my children were actually out with me doing those things! They learned how to buy a stamp, how to post a letter, how to fish, how to plan and help with events, how to speak to others, etc. in a real world setting.
Responsibility
At the age of two my children are given chores. They learn along side their siblings how to cook, clean, take care of animals, garden, etc. As I type this blog post my ten-year-old and three-year-old are putting clean sheets on the beds and my six-year-old is putting the wash into the dryer.
Managing Stress and Difficult Situations
Under loving family guidance all day my young children learn early how to manage tough times, work out strife and settle arguments.
Listening to the Guidance of the Holy Spirit
One of the most important things I can teach my children is to listen to that still small voice inside of them that will guide them well their whole life. That listening skill starts early and grows strong in a loving family relationship.
So then I pose this question, what is more important? What skill set will serve my children better in the real world and at their future profession? Is it the skill set that allows them to learn cooperation, kindness, character, politeness, confidence, cleanliness, responsibility, stress and conflict management, and listening to the Holy Spirit? Or is it the skill set that teaches them to mimic adult standards of academic success when their brains are too young for it?
Still some moms may be at a loss to know what to "do" with their preschooler at home and want to feel like the activities they are planning are going to nurture the child authentically. So here is a list of ideas....
Cooking
Singing
Visiting friends and family
Dishes
Bathing
Dusting
Sweeping
Polishing
Organizing
Washing windows
Laundry
Pretend Ironing
Tending to baby dolls
Building (blocks, sticks, trains, roads, etc)
Sorting
Yard work
Story telling
Playing in water
Nature walks
Prayer time
Parties / Birthdays
Church or Worship Services
Making and giving gifts
Dramatic play
Painting
Coloring
Reciting poems
Puppets
Games
Decorating
But most important just plain old fashion PLAYING!
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